I'm back from my little trip, I enjoyed the train ride to Missouri, the ride from Chicago to St. Louis was very boring!
When I got on the train from St.Louis to Jefferson City, what a change! It was beautiful! The train traveled along the Missouri River!
While I was there we worked on Joe's T-shirt Quilt, I was going to help Dorothy sew them, but the tears where filling up in my eyes and I couldn't see what I was trying to sew. I did sew all the blinding around and when I got home sewed the extra patches. I wanted to take it home with me but with my clothes, it just couldn't fit in the suite case, so...I sent my clothes home UPS! The Quilt at that point did fit!
We had a beautiful sunrise while I was there, one of the best I had seen in a long time!
We took a ride to Branson, walked around there for the day and then went to Lambert's Cafe.."Home of the Throwed Rolls"! I did catch one! The food was very good and go hungry!
Will post more on the vacation later. This is Dorothy and I in Branson.
If Isabella's birthday party on Sunday,
was an advanced warning of how the holidays are going to be....I should have stayed in my hole in Missouri,(visiting friends) I'm not handling this good right now, and then on top of it my dad doesn't want to go anywhere for Thanksgiving, he wants me to cook, my sister doesn't even want to cook, she wants to come here for dinner...the why I see it I will throw turkey sandwiches at everyone of them they don't like it too bad, maybe I'll stay drunk from now till the end of New year's to deaden the pain! This hit me yesterday afternoon while I was at David's like a lead balloon! God, I hate the Holidays, I wish I was dead. I thought this was going to get better!
I should be at a point of good Grief right now,(maybe I was, then the word "holiday" came) accepting the fact that Joe has died, the sorrow and pain, I should be able to get me through the days, the months, and, eventually, through the years. I even try to write almost everyday, thought, I might be able to get unstuck in grief. I write all the positive experiences I can remember with Joe. Hoping one memory will lead to another, now I am stuck with these NASTY HOLIDAYS! It's like I'm frozen in place, I feel like I am trapped in a prison of my own making. Yeah, I know I just found my answer.( My own Making) I still want to wake up when they are over! I am now back to the point that I am pissed at him for dying, for leaving me alone for the rest of my life. I thought that Quilt I made with my friend in Missouri would help...It did, till Sunday, I put it back in the bag, don't think I can put it on my bed yet. I have been a crying fool since Sunday.
When I got on the train from St.Louis to Jefferson City, what a change! It was beautiful! The train traveled along the Missouri River!
While I was there we worked on Joe's T-shirt Quilt, I was going to help Dorothy sew them, but the tears where filling up in my eyes and I couldn't see what I was trying to sew. I did sew all the blinding around and when I got home sewed the extra patches. I wanted to take it home with me but with my clothes, it just couldn't fit in the suite case, so...I sent my clothes home UPS! The Quilt at that point did fit!
We had a beautiful sunrise while I was there, one of the best I had seen in a long time!
We took a ride to Branson, walked around there for the day and then went to Lambert's Cafe.."Home of the Throwed Rolls"! I did catch one! The food was very good and go hungry!
Will post more on the vacation later. This is Dorothy and I in Branson.
If Isabella's birthday party on Sunday,
was an advanced warning of how the holidays are going to be....I should have stayed in my hole in Missouri,(visiting friends) I'm not handling this good right now, and then on top of it my dad doesn't want to go anywhere for Thanksgiving, he wants me to cook, my sister doesn't even want to cook, she wants to come here for dinner...the why I see it I will throw turkey sandwiches at everyone of them they don't like it too bad, maybe I'll stay drunk from now till the end of New year's to deaden the pain! This hit me yesterday afternoon while I was at David's like a lead balloon! God, I hate the Holidays, I wish I was dead. I thought this was going to get better!
I should be at a point of good Grief right now,(maybe I was, then the word "holiday" came) accepting the fact that Joe has died, the sorrow and pain, I should be able to get me through the days, the months, and, eventually, through the years. I even try to write almost everyday, thought, I might be able to get unstuck in grief. I write all the positive experiences I can remember with Joe. Hoping one memory will lead to another, now I am stuck with these NASTY HOLIDAYS! It's like I'm frozen in place, I feel like I am trapped in a prison of my own making. Yeah, I know I just found my answer.( My own Making) I still want to wake up when they are over! I am now back to the point that I am pissed at him for dying, for leaving me alone for the rest of my life. I thought that Quilt I made with my friend in Missouri would help...It did, till Sunday, I put it back in the bag, don't think I can put it on my bed yet. I have been a crying fool since Sunday.
1 comment:
Mary, I am so sorry that you are hurting. Alcohol wont help at all but just make it worse. Have you tried grief counseling with others that are going through the same thing? Hmmm, you can come stay with me and stitch all you want lol. My couch's are comfy.
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